KOK Edit: Your favorite copyeditor since 1984(SM)
KOK Edit: your favorite copyeditor since 1984(SM) KOK Edit: your favorite copyeditor since 1984(SM) Katharine O'Moore Klopf

Friday, July 06, 2007

Runaway Train

I'm watching an impending train wreck from a distance, and I don't want to.

I don't want to because I went through a similar train wreck years ago and my friend's train wreck takes me back to mine ... and because I don't want to see my friend or anyone in his family get hurt.

My friend has found a lot of emotional freedom by discovering, over the last year or so, that he is a fine writer. To have time to do the wandering around and absorbing of scenes that he needs to do to write, he's rearranged his work schedule. He now also spends less time with his family.

His wife, whom I don't know, is frightened by his freedom. I think she's scared that he'll like it so much that he eventually won't need her or their children or their life together. She's so scared that she's lashing out by denigrating his writing and the friends he's made through writing. This makes him incredibly angry.

They argue and argue, and he seems to have stopped trying to connect with her.

It's not my job to stop this wreck, but I sure wish I could. I've already stuck my nose in and urged that my friend get help to communicate about this issue with his wife. How often is our need to help others motivated at least a little bit by our need to spare ourselves the discomfort of seeing their pain?


Unknown said...

Often, I'm afraid. I'm sorry your friends are struggling this way. My former husband had a major problem with my academic success in seminary, and that was the beginning of the end for us. He needed to be smarter and refused to grow. (Still true, many years later.)

Katharine O'Moore-Klopf said...

I knew there was more than one reason that I feel a connection with you, Songbird. My first husband had a big problem with my being a very strong, intelligent woman. When we were engaged, he actually introduced me to a former professor of his as his fiancée who was smarter than him. I should've caught a clue then. (Eh, he had problems with my having feelings and daring to expect him to have some too, but that's another story.)

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